Free!

I have finally gathered the courage to share my thoughts through this platform and my prayer is not only that someone may be inspired through my life journey, but I also pray that God may speak to you and meet you at the point of your need. This has been a long time coming and we are finally here. The first topic I would like to talk about is freedom, especially the freedom that Christ gives. We have just come out of the launch of my debut album called ‘Free’ and it was birthed by the loss of my wife who passed away in April 2019 after battling with some health challenges.

The journey was not an easy one. She was a very strong person who was highly spiritual, very focused and a lover too (she loved people). Seeing such a strong person suffer so much without any answers and without life giving her a break was a tough thing. I had to stay strong for her so that I could assist her in the best way I knew how. Watching her body fade away as body parts were failing her bit by bit was the most painful thing ever. We never lost hope though. She actually kept very strong in faith and I remember that on resurrection Sunday in 2019 (Easter), she actually looked the liveliest she had been in a long time, and she ate the most she had eaten in possibly weeks. We genuinely believed she had been revived. She had not, and things didn’t get better, she actually passed on the next day. That was probably the worst thing I had ever experienced in my life.

The days that followed were very difficult. It was bearable initially because there was so much support all round from the church as well as from family and friends. Reality hit when everyone had left. I felt alone. I felt abandoned. I felt vulnerable and overwhelmed. It felt like the world was caving in on me. I genuinely believed there was nothing to live for. I also felt a great deal of shame, as if a glory had been lifted off of me. I couldn’t face the world at all. This was all before COVID-19 but I actually spent 5 months in self-imposed isolation or quarantine where I stayed indoors and only left the house for essentials. The work I fulfilled was only based on prior commitments that I had signed up for. I also made so many mistakes during that time that made me feel even worse about myself afterwards. I was in a very dark place.

You may be asking the question, how did I make it out of all that. I didn’t stop trying to get good content in. I went to church when i could. I read many good books. At least i do have a passion for reading, which kicked in when all this free time suddenly fell on my lap. I made music. I also went for counselling and my counsellor helped me realise that it’s actually ok to not be ok. She helped me realise that there was nothing abnormal about me. What is the definition of ‘normal’ anyway? Am I abnormal because my wife had chronic illnesses and passed away at the age of 31, leaving me and our almost-two-year-old daughter to drown in the sorrows of such a great loss? Maybe we will talk about this issue of ‘what is normal’ another day. Ultimately, what I believe helped me make it out was love. Pastor Milton Kamwendo said to me the week after burying my wife “Time doesn’t heal, love does.” It didn’t make sense to me in the moment, but sitting here today, I can certainly testify that the love of God never stopped reaching out for me. It really was up to me to allow His love to locate me, as well as to receive it. By locate me I don’t mean that God would have a hard time finding me, but I was running away from his love by shelling up. I had to let go.

This then brings us to what I believe is the essence of the message that I know God wants me to share. It’s a message of freedom. You have to let go. Holding on to the problems you may be going through is similar to drinking poison and hoping that it nourishes your body. Freedom is only achievable when you let go. 1 Peter 5:7 speaks of “casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” Casting requires that we completely let go and throw it at the feet of the one that cares enough to actually do something about it. In Phillipians, we are admonished by Paul to ‘not worry about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let our requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.’ Freedom does not mean the absence of the problem, the storm, the sickness, the death/loss, the divorce or whatever challenge it may be. It just means that your identity is not found in that problem/challenge. You are not the sickness. You are not the divorce, heartbreak or loss. You are not a failure. Your identity is found in Christ. It says in John 8:36, “if the Son makes you free, then you will be free indeed.”  Inspired by this verse, the title track of my album is called Free and the song says “Whom The Son sets free is free indeed.”

Let go and let God. Be still and know that He is God. Stand still and see the salvation of The Lord. Cast your burdens and your cares on Him, He cares for you. You cannot add anything to your own life by worrying. He knew you before you were even formed in your mother’s womb and He made a plan for you before He exposed you to the light of day. Your life already had a good and expected end before it came to being. The problem is that in the face of challenges, mistakes, bad days that turn into weeks, then months and even years, it becomes difficult to just trust in God, and to trust that He will see us through. All I know is that I am living proof that ALL THINGS work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes. I’ve learnt to trust Him. Even when I go through a ‘thing’ that looks terrible on the surface, I have confidence that it is working together with other ‘things’ that I may not have access to. Together, all these ‘things’ work for my good. My freedom in Christ comes from a place of total surrender of the burdens I may be carrying, and total trust in His ability to see me through it all.

Be encouraged my brother. Take heart my sister. Jesus won the ultimate victory on your behalf. All you have to do is to “confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, then you will be saved” (Romans 10:9 NKJV). Once you do that, choose to trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, acknowledging Him in all your ways. He will surely direct your paths and bring you to a good and expected end. May He who has begun a good work in you bring it to completion, even unto the day of Jesus Christ our Lord.